Last week I wrote about the physical process of decluttering your life. Clearing space in your home, organizing, and getting rid of things you no longer need. This is all in order to enhance the energy flow in your space, which can have a profound effect on your health and overall quality of life. And even though decluttering your home takes time and can be a lot of work, it is not nearly as difficult as taking on the task that I’m about to present to you today. To declutter your life, metaphorically speaking, refers to clearing out the energetic clutter that surrounds you. This type of clutter may come in the form of people or activities that no longer serve your highest good anymore.

That last statement may sound harsh, so let me explain further. There is a great quote from Will Smith I read a few years ago that was a huge revaluation to me. He stated,  “You can tell how far in life you’ll go by the 5 people you spend the most amount of time with.” Wow, thats an eye opener!

Take a moment to think about the 5 people that you spend the most time with. Do these people have a negative or positive effect on your life? An easy way to figure this out is to ask yourself whether you feel uplifted after spending time with this person, or do you feel drained?

Sometimes we end up staying in a relationship or maintaining friendships just because it’s familiar, even though they tend to bring us down. Or sometimes we end up spending time with people just out of convenience or fear of being alone. When I first moved to Florida, having left everything and everyone I knew, I was feeling pretty lonely and desperate for some sort of  connection. I ended up getting involved in a crowd that was very energetically draining and had a negative effect on my life. At the time I thought that it was better to be at a smokey dive bar with people that I could make idle small talk with, rather then feel lonely in a new town. The whole energy of this group was pretty negative. Very high drama and a lot of fighting.  After awhile I found myself depressed, still lonely, and energetically exhausted. This was a whole lot of excess clutter that was bringing me down and I knew it had to be cleared out. I had to be honest and realize that the lifestyle I was trying to live just wasn’t true to me, and the people I was choosing to associate with just weren’t healthy for me. Now mind you this was a group that I never really fit in with to start, and I’m pretty sure they would barely even remember me at this point. But at the time they were all I knew. I had to realize that I was better off being alone on a Saturday night than engaging with people and activities that did not serve my highest good. Once I cleared away that clutter I made space in my life for new healthy relationships to develop. It didn’t take long before I found myself surrounded by positive uplifting people, who have continued to enrich my life throughout the years.

Of course in retrospect I look back and can’t believe I would chose to hang out with a group that was so opposite of my principles and beliefs. I guess I thought it was better to spend time with somebody, then to sit home and watch old episodes of Sex and The City with nobody. Well, I was wrong as I came to discover. It was way better to stay home and have a Sex and the City marathon then to subject myself to so much negativity.

And then there was the high drama, overly sensitive friend. You know the type I’m talking about. This is the friend that you have to tip toe around for fear that what you say or do will piss them off. And if you do happen to piss them off, they do not hesitate in letting you know that they are mad at you (the horror!). And of course they are always right as well. It took me awhile to let this relationship go. But once I stopped tip toeing around, they stopped calling, and I could see what little connection was actually there.

Now I know we’ve all had or have these type of people in our lives. The person that always looks at the negative, the pessimist, the drama queen, the complainer, the needy clinger, the whiner, the I’m always right, the gossiper, etc… When you are around these low energy vibrations it can’t help but bring you down. It is so easy to get sucked into a conversation full of gossip and complaining, and before you know it you are caught up in a whirlwind of negativity. We know how detrimental negative thinking can be to not only the mind, but to the body as well. That is why it is so important to surround yourself with people who will not only be supportive and uplifting, but are people that you can honestly admire as well.

Of course this isn’t always so cut and dry. People are complex and everyone has their good and bad sides. So what you have to hone in on, is how do you feel when you are with that person? Are you getting anything good out of this relationship? Is it a one sided relationship? Tap into your feelings here and let them make the decision for you.

Sometimes it’s not a matter of spending time with a negative person that brings you down, but it’s about spending time with someone that you’ve outgrown. Everyone is on their own path and occasionally those paths just don’t match up anymore. This is a common occurrence amongst long term friendships and relationships. One person starts to really work on themselves and makes healthy life changes, and the other person stays the same. It doesn’t make the other person wrong or bad for choosing a different path then you. Everyone evolves at their own pace, and you can never force someone else to change.  But it is important to recognize when you are no longer aligned with someone, and when it’s best to move on and focus your energy elsewhere.

Now this blog isn’t an excuse to start blaming others for the state of your life. If you have been hanging out with Debbie downer it’s not her fault that you are in a bad mood all the time. This blog is about taking responsibility for your choices and your actions. It’s about getting honest about how you spend your time and with whom you spend it with. You don’t get to choose your family or your co-workers necessarily, but you do get to choose who you emotionally engage in.

This blog is also not about completely cutting people out of your life (although sometimes that’s necessary). You can politely distance yourself from people and situations that no longer serve you. You can also choose to detach and disengage from negative conversations. If your co-worker is starting in on one of her gossip rants you can choose to stay out of it and not get sucked in (just nod, smile, and look busy). And often times those long term friendships that just don’t seem to be aligned anymore will naturally drift apart. It doesn’t mean that you won’t ever see that person again, but most likely they won’t be the first person you call when you need some support and good advice.

Bottom line decluttering your life is about living in integrity and taking responsibility for the energy that you surround yourself with. It’s about clearing out that negative clutter in your life and making room for something positive and uplifting to take its place. Realize that you deserve happiness and you get to decide who you share that happiness with. And lets not forget that it is also about making better use of your time. Hanging out with people that just generate negativity and drama isn’t going to get you very far in life. Surround yourself with a supportive group of people that are going to lift you up and let go of anyone or thing that is bringing you down. Remember your time is precious so choose who you are going to spend it with wisely.

I’ll leave you with one of my other favorite quotes from Oprah;

“Surround yourself only with people that are going to lift you higher.”