I’m a bit of a health buff if you haven’t noticed. In fact my entire career is pretty much focused on helping people create a healthy lifestyle through acupuncture, nutrition, and coaching. And those that are close to me might even say I’m a bit obsessed with nutrition and eating healthy. Which is why the next statement may seem like a contradiction. I always save room for dessert. Always.

If I am going out to dinner at a nice restaurant I am going to order dessert, no question. In fact I judge every restaurant on their dessert selection (and God help them if they disappoint). My closest friends and family can attest to my dessert addiction. They have all seen me finish every last bite and scrape the plate clean. And I don’t tend to order healthy desserts. I’ll go for the calorie laden chocolate molten cake topped with ice cream and extra hot fudge every time.

So am I being a hypocrite by promoting good nutrition and healthy eating? No, and here’s why. 90% of the time the food that goes into my mouth is extremely healthy. I’m talking vegan, gluten free, organic, non-GMO, etc. My body is given a plentiful supply of vitamins and nutrients every day. Which is why a once a week indulgent dessert isn’t going to kill me.

But the real reason why I let myself indulge in a good dessert every now and then is for the simple fact that it makes me happy. I know I’m not suppose to say that. I’m not suppose to attach feelings of  happiness to food. Now I am not saying that my happiness relies on eating dessert, there is a big difference. But I am saying that I get a lot of pleasure and satisfaction from savoring every bite of a well made dessert. It lights me up and releases all sorts of happy endorphins in my brain, and allows me to be completely present and enjoy life more fully in that moment.

This past week I had a few occasions to go out to dinner and I got dessert every time. Now normally if I were going out to eat more then twice a week I would not order dessert both times. I would pick one place to indulge and pass on the next one. But this week I broke my own rule. Last night as we were getting ready to ask for the check the waitress started rattling off dessert options. I was only half listening because I knew that I wasn’t going to order anything. That is until she said “Chocolate Peanut Butter Torte covered in Dark Chocolate Gnash” Is your mouth watering yet? I sat there debating in my head for a few seconds, a chocolate peanut butter torte, the best combination ever! But you already had  a huge dessert a few days ago, you don’t need another one. I know but it’s chocolate and peanut butter! This debate went back in forth until a little voice in my head said “life is short, order the dessert.” Done deal! And it was delicious!

So I caved! Now this is not a blog about me trying to justify my own actions (well sort of not). But in all honesty ordering this dessert really got me thinking. Life is short, we never know how long we are going to be around for. Why should I deny myself ten minutes of chocolate peanut butter bliss?

It’s interesting how so often we deny ourselves these little moments of joy because we have decided that they are wrong. Or we go through with them and then feel guilty after. I’m all for being disciplined and having rules. I think in order to function in this life we have to have rules to keep our ego from running a muck. So I am not suggesting that an alcoholic should indulge in a drink once or week, or that someone with a shopping addiction should go on a shoe spree. Abstinence definitely has its place. Just as I wouldn’t support my dessert indulgence if I were truly addicted and couldn’t go a week without chocolate. I’ve gone on a 6 week cleanse where I couldn’t have a bite of sugar, and I’ve survived. So this is not about encouraging addiction, but this is about encouraging flexibility.

I can get so caught up in my own rules and structure that I get trapped in this box where I am too rigid. I remember Tony Robbins telling a similar story about his first date with his now wife Sage. Tony was so disciplined that he went ten years without one bite of chocolate. He was excited to go out with Sage, because like himself she was super healthy. Which is why he was shocked when on their first dinner out she ordered a hot fudge sunday. He said to her “what are you doing?!” and Sage replied, “living a little, lighten up!”

Since then Tony has lightened up with his diet and allows room for dessert from time to time. If you have that achiever type mindset you probably also have a lot of strict rules for how you should live your life. But if you never give yourself the flexibility to break those rules every now and then, you are not really living.

It took me awhile to get this lesson. If I never broke my rule of going to bed by a certain time then I would never experience crazy fun nights with my girlfriends. If I always stuck to a strict work schedule then I would never get to take a few hours off to enjoy the beach. And if I followed a strict diet 24/7 I would be missing out on so many tasty mouth watering desserts.

Have rules. Have structure. But be flexible enough to break them. 

Life is short, and living by the “rules” day in and day out, is not really living.

So what rule of yours do you need to break? What is that little indulgence that you constantly deny yourself? Maybe its sleeping in, a second glass of wine, or gossiping for hours with a girlfriend. Whatever it is let yourself indulge a little. Loosen up and consciously create more room for pleasure and enjoyment in your life. And the next time you go out to eat, save room for dessert.