This past week I read a passage from Kabbalah teacher Yehuda Berg that totally shook me up and opened my eyes. It was an Ah-Ha moment as Oprah would say. Here is what I read:

Have you ever noticed how happiness is often fleeting? No matter how elated you become, eventually your mind finds things to worry about. Sometimes we even create problems where there really are none. 

One of the most self-destructive tendencies we have as humans is not allowing ourselves to be happy. This is because there is another voice in our head, the adversarial force that rushes in the moment we achieve any sense of true joy, and whispers in our thoughts all the reasons why we need to be afraid, upset, or stressed. 

Our job is to consciously choose a sense of inner peace over that voice of negativity. 

A life of happiness lies in your own hands, and more importantly in your own mind. It’s just waiting for you to choose it. 

Powerful statement right?! Let me explain how this resonates with me. Two weeks ago I was feeling really good. Like better then I have in a long time. I had tons of energy, I was feeling excited for the future, and most importantly I was actually free of stress and worry. It seemed as though everything was coming together for me. My career, my friendships, and even my health were all in a really good place. I also found myself with a lot more free time on my hand which I had been so desperately craving for months. I was reading books, catching up with friends on the phone, and even had time to fit in some sun bathing. Yup life was good and I was happy. But the thing is, I am not use to feeling that good. In fact I started to feel uncomfortable. I have been so use to worrying and stressing all the time that it felt odd to not have something to agonize over.

So a week later my mind found lots of things to stress about. The random thoughts running through my head went something like this: My credit card debt is getting too high, how am I going to pay it off? I’ve gained a few extra pounds, what if I can’t lose the weight? Will I have to buy all new clothes? I’m 30 and single, I really need to put myself out there and start dating again. What if the place I’m renting for my practice is too small? What if I made the wrong choice? What if I don’t get any patients? And on and on…..

Within a day I fell right back into a place of anxiety and stress. My insomnia came back and so did my headaches. Suddenly all that energy I had the week before was gone. I felt fatigued and run down. So what just happened? I was happy and content with my life for once. That feeling of contentment was foreign to me and I needed to do something about that. So my mind started to search for every and any reason to stress out.

As soon as I read this quote I realized what I had been doing. Even though my worrisome thoughts are areas of my life that I have to address, they are not something that I have to stress about. But this is what we tend to do. When we are finally content with one area of our life we start focusing on how bad things are in another area of our life. Instead of celebrating our successes we berate ourselves for our failures.

So how do we stop this negative mind from invading our happiness? For one, we have to start making conscious decisions on what to focus on. It takes just as much effort to focus on the good things as it does to focus on the bad. Now I’m not saying to ignore the bad, because there is obviously something that needs to be address there. But being aware of it doesn’t mean you need to dwell on it all day. An easy way to keep your focus positive is to think about the things in your life that you are grateful for. Every time you are going to that dark worrisome place stop and choose gratitude instead. In fact don’t just think gratitude, take action and write it down. Keeping a gratitude journal that you write in daily is the fastest way to keep a positive mind set and create a life you love.

The other thing you need to do to stay in a happy place is to allow it and accept it. How often do we say things like this is too good to be true or I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. We’ve been programed as a society and through the media to think that life has to be filled with challenge and drama. What if life was just easy? What if happiness is suppose to be our natural state? Your attitude about happiness will directly influence your life. If you think happiness is always something that you have to strive for, that it is fleeting, or that it is some “destination” that you will reach some day, then you will always be chasing it.

Challenge your own beliefs around happiness and redefine them for yourself. Happiness is a choice you make. And you can make it at any time. Don’t believe me, try smiling for one minute straight. It’s actually impossible to remain in a depressed state when you are smiling.

Lastly know that you deserve to be happy. So often we unconsciously  sabotage ourselves when things are going well because we have this false belief that we don’t deserve to be happy. Maybe we feel guilty from mistakes we made in the past. Or sometimes its because we feel guilty that others in this world are suffering while we are thriving. Guilt is a useless emotion, it helps no one. If you made mistakes in the past (who hasn’t?), own up to them, make amends, and forgive yourself. If you feel bad that others don’t have what you have then pray for them, donate to charities, volunteer, etc.. But don’t ever limit your happiness, that’s not helping anyone.

Take an honest look at your life today and see where you might be limiting your happiness. What are you beliefs around happiness, and what would it take for you to shift them? Choose gratitude, choose to focus on the positive, and choose happiness.