As I rapidly approach my 31st birthday I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on this past year. When I turned 30 I had a huge celebration in New York City. It was hands down one of the best weekends of my life. I started my 30’s feeling ambitious, driven, and unstoppable. I set huge goals and had a grand vision for my life. I had a very specific idea of what my life would look like by the time I turned 31. Needless to say things haven’t gone exactly as planned.

I’m not where I wanted to be financially. My business hasn’t grown as fast as I had hoped. I’m not physically as healthy or fit as I projected I’d be. And my relationships don’t look anything like I thought they would.

After realizing this my first thought was to beat myself up and feel down. Questioning myself, wondering where did I go wrong? Why am I not further along on my path? The truth is this year has been a bit of a struggle for me and has left me feeling run down and perhaps a little cynical. Those grand ambitions I had last year started to seem idealist and unrealistic. I questioned my goals for the year ahead, wondering if I should lower the bar so that I don’t get let down.

Yup I can work myself up into quite a debbie downer state when I start to ponder what hasn’t worked out for me this past year. It’s a good way to cry yourself to sleep (or to not sleep from a heightened state of anxiety).  Anytime you lead yourself on with a negative question your mind will go on a search pulling out all the dreadful details.  But what if I asked a different question? What if I asked what has worked for me this past year?

Well that changes everything.

Just as my mind gave me examples of all things that have gone wrong, it will also give me examples of all the things that have gone right when I change the question.  What immediately comes to me is the mountain of support I have received this year. I have been so ridiculously blessed with supportive people. I’ve made miraculous connections and people in my life have gone above and beyond to help me out. Yes, there was a lot of struggle, but for every challenge I faced there was someone to encourage me and guide me through it.

I also realized that through the disappointment and set backs I’ve experienced I have found an inner strength in me that I didn’t know was there. The road ahead might have more bumps and detours waiting for me, but I now feel empowered enough to face them. This strength I’ve developed is a true gift.

There are two ways for me to reflect back on this past year. Through a pessimistic view or an optimistic view. Or better yet I can reflect on what didn’t work with compassion and non-judgement. See what lessons I’ve learned and figure out what I changes I can make going forward. Then I can find the gift in the struggles while still maintaining hope for the future. And just maybe the things I’ve learned can help you too.

Here are my 3 big take aways from this past year:

Be willing to fail. The thought of failing use to terrify me. Failure seemed like the be all and end all. Once you go there, you never recover. But that has changed for me recently as I’ve spent the past few months pondering what happens if I fail? And I found the answer to be pretty simple. You get up and try again. Every business owner has to come face to face with their own idea of failure at some point. But when you get close enough that you can almost taste it, you realize that failure isn’t the end, it’s just a stepping stone on the way to success.

Expectations are overrated: Having high expectations is a good way to guarantee  disappointment. I expected a lot this year. From myself, from others, and from God. And when my expectations weren’t met I got frustrated, with myself, with others, and with God. Instead of feeling grateful for what I was receiving, I became hung up on the outcome that didn’t happen. I realized that I had to get rid of my expectations and embrace intention. Intending is softer then expecting. Intention is flexible. It gives direction while still leaving room for other possibilities and outcomes. Intend, don’t expect.

There is beauty in breakdown. Exquisite beauty. It had been years since I had experienced a breakdown. Those times where everything seems to be falling apart. I suppose I was due for one, and it was so interesting to go through it this time around knowing what I now know. I embraced the breakdown. It was a release, or a cleansing of sorts. To be vulnerable and emotionally raw. Even amongst the sobs I knew that this was a good thing. Breakdowns just mean that a breakthrough is about to happen. So hang tight, ride that emotional wave, and embrace the messiness of it all. It won’t last forever, and the miracle is just around the corner.

So thank you life for all the struggles and setbacks this past year. You taught me invaluable lessons and made me stronger and wiser (plus you gave me some great material for my book). And thank you for blessing me with so many awesome supportive people in my life, I am truly grateful. Maybe this year didn’t go as I had planned. But maybe this year was all about building my character, facing my fears, and establishing a foundation for what’s to come. Yes, I still have a big vision for myself, and it might not happen as fast as I’d like. I may stumble some more along the way and get a little lost. But I still have hope, I still have ambition, and I now know that I have the strength and support to face the year ahead.