This past Sunday I ran my first full marathon. It was one of the most challenging, and most painful things I’ve ever done. In fact parts of the race were pure hell. And even though today I am laying in bed barely able to move my legs, I can’t wait to do it all over again next year.

If you aren’t a runner that probably sounds crazy. Why would I put myself  through such torture all over again? Why? Because I’ve learned so much about myself and my psyche through this process. Not to mention the huge growth factor! I am finding that running is not only an awesome physical activity, but it’s my favorite form of therapy. Running has forced me to look at things in my life that I didn’t necessarily want to see. It’s stripped me down and exposed me. It’s shown me my character and how I respond to a challenge. Needless to say, it’s given me a lot of things to work on.

I made so many mistakes preparing for this race, and even more running it. First being, I didn’t adequately train. I’ve been a jogger for years and didn’t think running a marathon would be that difficult. But what I soon came to found out is that there is a big difference in identifying yourself as a jogger, compared to identifying yourself as a runner. For most of 2013 I was a jogger. It wasn’t until the last 3 months before the race that I became a runner. When I changed my identity, I stepped up my game. Perhaps a little late, which led to me overtraining and burning out right before my race. But nonetheless, when I changed how I saw myself my actions changed. I realized that how we see ourselves in the different roles we play in life determines our actions and behavior. Identify with a bigger role, and you’ll play a bigger game.

One of the biggest rookie mistakes I made during the race was starting out too fast. I was warned of this from several experienced runners. But I got wrapped up in all the excitement and energy and just gunned it from the starting gate. I was flying by other runners, for the first 10 miles that is. Then I hit a wall. A very painful wall. I had done too much too soon and my body was taxed. Needless to say the next 16 miles were very slow and very painful. I had a lot of time to think during that long trek and realized that one thing I definitely need to work on this year is my pacing. Not just in running, but my pacing in life as well.

My overzealousness at the starting line is not so different from how I approach other parts of my life. When I get excited about something new in my business and career I tend to go all out. Throw all my energy and resources into whatever venture I’m pursuing until I am over-booked, over-tired, and spent (metaphorically and literally). My pattern has been that I tend to live my life at a very fast pace, keeping myself extremely busy, until I burn out and crash. And when I hit that wall in life it’s not pretty. In those moments I tend to cancel all my plans, isolate myself, and question every part of my life. But what if I just kept an even pace in life? Know my limits. Know when to push past them, and when to back off.  Since my race I’ve been researching different running training plans that will help me regulate my pace and keep it even throughout the entire race. I think I need a training plan for my life too. As in only commit to x amount of activities/events per month. Sundays are rest days. Or how about scheduling my week so that I have some push/work hard days balanced with a few laid back more relaxed working days. Maybe if I kept a more balanced pace I wouldn’t have to hit that wall, in running and in life. 

I have to admit that I could have enjoyed myself a lot more during my race than I did. It wasn’t just the pain that did me in, it was my mind set. I spent most of the race being frustrated with myself. Frustrated with my body, frustrated with my lack of training, and also frustrated with my thoughts. Instead of living in the moment and soaking up this experience I found myself in a negative loop of blame and shame. I should be faster then this, I shouldn’t be in this much pain, stupid hips always giving me trouble, why didn’t I start training this summer, all these old people are passing me, you suck at this, damn why am I so negative! And on and on the crazy thoughts went. Running 26.2 miles is no small feat. It’s an accomplishment that I should be proud of! But I spent most of the race berating my performance. I wanted to do better, be better, feel better. Not surprisingly this critical voice is no stranger to me. It shows up in my work, my relationships, and even my down time. It seems that I am never doing enough or good enough. I have a hard time celebrating my successes, but have no problem criticizing my mistakes. Perhaps it’s time to be a little nicer to myself. If I had been more encouraging during my run, maybe I would have finished stronger and faster. But the constant berating only slowed me down more. I’ve realized that it is time for me to clean up my thoughts and be nicer to myself. We are all just doing the best we can in life, and we all deserve a little more encouragement and kindness on our journey.

Speaking of encouragement, thank God for the amazing crowd that came out to cheer us on. I couldn’t believe how many people got up super early to support us with words of encouragement and motivational posters. During some of my toughest moments it was this crowd of strangers that kept me going. They didn’t know me at all, but yet they would call out my name as I passed by and tell me I was doing great. When my own mind failed me, this crowd was my strength. There were times when I was so overwhelmed by their kindness that I wanted to cry. I wish I could tell each and everyone of them how much their support meant to me. What a great reminder to how a kind word or gesture can leave a huge impact on someone else. If you know a friend is going through a challenging time reach out and offer support. And maybe the next time you pass a stranger, try smiling. They may not reciprocate, and that’s ok. Because your smile may be the one thing that turns their whole day around. I certainly didn’t acknowledge everyone that was cheering me on during the race. I was too caught up with not dying to wave to everyone, but it didn’t mean that I didn’t deeply appreciate and was affected by their kindness.

So yes, I invested nearly $1,000.00 to run a long and painful 26.2 miles, and I’m going to do it again next year. I’ve learned so much on this marathon journey that the experience was invaluable. You may not ever want to run a marathon, but I do encourage you to have a challenging goal this year to work on. Something that you know will stretch you and grow you. Something that will change you….for the better.