What is the number one thing you can do to change a negative situation or circumstance? Stop talking about. Stop dwelling on it. Stop trying so hard to solve it or fix it. Get off the topic, and let it go for a little while.
Easier said then done.
Part of our human nature is that we want to “solve” things. We want to hash it out with others. We want to prove that we are right and the other person is wrong. So we vent to others about our issues. We think about them. We journal about them. We even go to therapy and pay someone else to listen to us talk about them.
The problem with all of this is that it keeps our focus on the negative circumstance. We create a negative charge around the situation that just gets stronger and stronger the more we give it attention.For example; a co-worker annoys you at the office. On your way home you call your girlfriend and complain about that co-worker, which gets you even more fired up about the situation. That night at dinner you complain to your husband about the co-worker, creating even more of a negative charge. Now you are really angry! The next day at the office you interact with that co-worker and of course they do something to irritate you again, because you are attracting that behavior at this point. Now your really mad, and the cycle just perpetuates. Next thing you know that co-worker is making life at the office more and more difficult for you and you are now dreading going to work.
Take any negative situation in your life. The more you talk about it and focus on it the bigger and more intense it gets. Complaining about the same person over and over isn’t going to inspire a change in behavior in that person. Getting stressed and nervous about a scary health diagnosis isn’t going to help you get better. You can thank law of attraction for this one. It’s a pretty basic concept. Whatever you think/feel/talk about you will get more of, it’s law. This is why it is so easy to get into a negative cycle of events and circumstances.
So how do you break that negative cycle? Here is my 2 step process:
1. Resist the urge to talk about it: Yes I know this is hard. But if you take just 24 hours to not talk about the upsetting situation, the negative charge around it will lessen. If you just have to express yourself you can vent about it in a journal. Get your emotions out on paper, then rip it up, burn it, put it in a God box, etc…. just don’t reread it.
2. Distract yourself: Put on some great music. Watch a funny movie. Go take a walk out in nature. Do whatever you can to distract yourself from the situation. Whenever my boyfriend and I get really stressed out about a business deal we watch an old episode of Seinfeld. We aren’t big tv watchers by any means, but by putting on something funny and silly we forgot about our worries for awhile and relax.
That’s all there is to it. Pretty simple. What this does on a deeper level is stops the negative resistance you have building up around this situation. This also allows for positive solutions and clarity to come forth. When you are presented with that situation again you can approach it from a more neutral mindset. You’ll have a different perspective. And believe it or not, sometimes the situation will just resolve itself. I have put this method into practice more times then I can count, and I have been amazed by how many times the situation I was upset about turns around completely without me having to do anything.
Try this out for yourself. It will feel strange at first. We have become so accustomed to talking about our problems and venting to others. But that constant negative chatter isn’t helping the situation any, and if anything it is going to make it worse. If you feel the need to talk try talking about something positive. Talk about what you like in your life. What is going well for you. Change the conversation and you will change the situation.