Lauren Grace

10 years ago I was depressed and feeling lost and confused. I had just moved from New York City to Florida for a job. I literally knew no one. I had left behind all my friends and family. After my first week on the job I realized that there was no way I was going to do this the rest of my life. So much for my $100,000 Fordham education. I found it very difficult to build new relationships and was feeling really lonely. I walked into my local Metaphysical shop, Elysian Fields, hoping that a magical stone or maybe a book would offer some guidance and point me in the right direction.

I stared at the various self help books waiting for something to pop out at me. I had no idea who Wayne Dyer was, but for some reason his book, There is a Spiritual Solution for Every Problem called to me. I picked it up and checked out without even opening it. When I got home and began reading the first few pages I literally felt my whole world open up. His words spoke a truth that deep down I knew, but had forgotten. My eyes were definitely opened, and I would never view life the same. 

I have had many spiritual teachers during my life, but I consider Wayne Dyer to be my first. This is why I was so deeply saddened by his recent passing. But I am forever grateful for his work and his words, that have and will continue to transform millions of lives. In honor of Wayne I am highlighting the most profound lessons I’ve learned from his teachings. These lessons may be simple. You may have heard them before. But they are deep truths that we always need to be reminded of.

Don’t die with your music still in you          

This was a common phrase that Wayne use to say. At the ripe old age of 25 I though my career path had been chosen. I went to college, studied this major, spent a lot of money, etc.. That was it. There was no changing my mind, even if I was unhappy. The thought of going back to school was insane to me at the time. But Wayne’s words encouraged me to ponder the possibility of changing my career. Of pursuing something that I really loved, and would be good at. Still the thought of more schooling was overwhelming. Until I heard Wayne ask the question in one of his books “how old will you be when you graduate if you go back to school?” I answered in my head, 30. Then he asked, “how old will you be in 5 years if you don’t go back to school?” A light bulb went off in my head. I got it. I went back to school. Thank you Wayne, I am now doing the work I love.

How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours. 

Another Waynism. This sentence said it all for me. When someone comes at you in a combative manner that is their choice and their karma. You don’t have to get pulled into their drama. Easier said then done, I know. Our ego loves a fight, our spirit only offers love. The trick here is that when you respond with love any hatred that is being projected onto you will dissolve, or disappear. It is rare that a person will keep hurling their anger at you when you are coming from a loving space.“Conflict cannot survive without your anticipation.” Wayne Dyer.  This does not mean that you are a doormat. Love is powerful, not weak. I do my best to always apply this principle now and it is amazing how empowered you will feel. No matter what the other persons behavior is I know that I am coming from a good place with loving intention. At that point there is no need to fight or argue, I already won.

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with

As a completely codependent 20 something, those words hit me hard. I was terrified to be alone. I would rather be in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship then by myself. Because, I honestly didn’t think very highly of myself. I never really attempted that whole self love thing. While this was a foreign concept to me there was something in those words that appealed to me as well. Maybe I could be happy on my own. Maybe I could spend a whole weekend with just me, myself, and I, and have a grand time. Part of me was terrified to even attempt that path, and part of me was intrigued and excited.I decided to give it a try, and I had a blast. Learning to become my own best friend was the smartest and best thing I had ever done.

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change

Whoa! This sentence blew me away when I first read it. Perception and perspective is everything. Wayne wrote how any circumstance in your life can be a gift. There is always that silver lining if you look for it. This concept literally changed the way I think and perceive the world around me. I automatically look for the positive now. No matter how bad a circumstance seems I can find something good about it. This goes for people too. Spend more time focusing on someones positive attributes rather then negative ones. Your positive expectations of another will bring out those positive qualities in them.

I am realistic, I expect Miracles. 

This is how I live my life now. One of the cornerstone teachings that I learned from Wayne is that the Universe is always conspiring in your favor. A miracle mindset means trusting that everything is always working out for you. Looking for the gift amongst the chaos. Not being afraid to create a life that you truly love. Going after your dreams instead of seeing them as unrealistic. Knowing that any desire you have can be fulfilled. This expectation alone will change your life. Keep this mindset and watch the miracles pour in.

We are beyond blessed that Wayne has left us with an abundance of books and lectures. His words have touched and transformed my life and I hope that they can do the same for you too. Thank you Wayne for being such a bright light.

 

 

What is the number one thing you can do to change a negative situation or circumstance? Stop talking about. Stop dwelling on it. Stop trying so hard to solve it or fix it. Get off the topic, and let it go for a little while.

Easier said then done.

Part of our human nature is that we want to “solve” things. We want to hash it out with others. We want to prove that we are right and the other person is wrong. So we vent to others about our issues. We think about them. We journal about them. We even go to therapy and pay someone else to listen to us talk about them.

The problem with all of this is that it keeps our focus on the negative circumstance. We create a negative charge around the situation that just gets stronger and stronger the more we give it attention.For example; a co-worker annoys you at the office. On your way home you call your girlfriend and complain about that co-worker, which gets you even more fired up about the situation. That night at dinner you complain to your husband about the co-worker, creating even more of a negative charge. Now you are really angry! The next day at the office you interact with that co-worker and of course they do something to irritate you again, because you are attracting that behavior at this point. Now your really mad, and the cycle just perpetuates. Next thing you know that co-worker is making life at the office more and more difficult for you and you are now dreading going to work.

Take any negative situation in your life. The more you talk about it and focus on it the bigger and more intense it gets. Complaining about the same person over and over isn’t going to inspire a change in behavior in that person. Getting stressed and nervous about a scary health diagnosis isn’t going to help you get better. You can thank law of attraction for this one. It’s a pretty basic concept. Whatever you think/feel/talk about you will get more of, it’s law. This is why it is so easy to get into a negative cycle of events and circumstances. 

So how do you break that negative cycle? Here is my 2 step process:

1. Resist the urge to talk about it: Yes I know this is hard. But if you take just 24 hours to not talk about the upsetting situation, the negative charge around it will lessen. If you just have to express yourself you can vent about it in a journal. Get your emotions out on paper, then rip it up, burn it, put it in a God box, etc…. just don’t reread it.

2. Distract yourself: Put on some great music. Watch a funny movie. Go take a walk out in nature. Do whatever you can to distract yourself from the situation. Whenever my boyfriend and I get really stressed out about a business deal we watch an old episode of Seinfeld. We aren’t big tv watchers by any means, but by putting on something funny and silly we forgot about our worries for awhile and relax.

That’s all there is to it. Pretty simple. What this does on a deeper level is stops the negative resistance you have building up around this situation. This also allows for positive solutions and clarity to come forth. When you are presented with that situation again you can approach it from a more neutral mindset. You’ll have a different perspective. And believe it or not, sometimes the situation will just resolve itself. I have put this method into practice more times then I can count, and I have been amazed by how many times the situation I was upset about turns around completely without me having to do anything.

Try this out for yourself. It will feel strange at first. We have become so accustomed to talking about our problems and venting to others. But that constant negative chatter isn’t helping the situation any, and if anything it is going to make it worse. If you feel the need to talk try talking about something positive. Talk about what you like in your life. What is going well for you. Change the conversation and you will change the situation.

https://youtu.be/TZmeBOCzhp8

Whenever I start something new I tend to go all out. I make big goals, take on large projects, create huge expectations. I’m all in! That is until I mess up. The problem with grandiose goals and expectations is that you can set the bar too high. Make it too difficult for you to reach on a consistent basis.

Exercise is a great example of this. You are ready to start a new workout routine, so you plan out your week with an intense workout every day. 3 days into it you are holding strong! You go after your workout with enthusiasm! But that 4th day you wake up feeling super sore, tired from a poor nights sleep, and the thought of doing the intense hour long workout that you mapped out is just too overwhelming. So you skip it. Now you feel like you have failed. That begins the downward spiral of missing your workouts and eventually giving up.

It’s easy to do this in multiple areas of our life. In our attempt to create healthy and productive habits we end up self sabotaging ourselves from the beginning by trying to be a superhero every day. We think we can do it all and we are unstoppable! And I believe that we can do and be it all, but it’s also realistic to recognize that we aren’t going to wake up every day feeling invincible. Some days we are going to be off our game. Life happens and throws us off course every now and then. Circumstances outside your control can interrupt that productive groove you had going on. Does that mean we shouldn’t dream big and have huge goals? No, the bigger the better. But the way we go about reaching those goals needs to be kept in check. We need to anticipate that we are going to have “on” days and “off” days. And this is where mini actions come into play. 

Back to our exercise example. You are super excited to get your body in shape until you have that one day where you are off your game. Instead of throwing in the towel because you don’t have enough strength or energy as you did the day before give yourself a mini workout. Decide that you are going to workout for 15 minutes. Nothing too strenuous either, just a few pushups, sit ups, and jumping jacks. You keep it simple, little, and doable. What works about performing on a mini action is that for one, you are staying consistent with your goal to workout everyday and get in shape. And two, you are creating momentum. Chances are after the first 5 minutes you’ll be feeling pretty good and may stretch that workout to 30 minutes instead of 15. Newton’s law states, “Objects at rest tend to stay at rest, objects in motion tend to stay in motion.” These mini actions create habits and momentum that help you reach your goal.

So when an action seems too big and too overwhelming break it down into smaller actions. Lower your expectations. Get done the bare minimum on your to-do list. Make it so simple and easy that you can’t fail. What you will gain at the end of the day is a lot of little successes. This will keep you moving towards your goal with a winning attitude. And when you have those days when you are really feeling it then go ahead and take on the big stuff. But remember it’s better to make small steps towards your goal then no progress at all.

The past few weeks I started playing a little game. It’s called wake up and reach for good feeling thoughts. It’s really quite simple. When I get up and as I go throughout my day I just consciously look for things that make me feel good. I make it a game because I try and see how many I can find. And when I find them I get really excited, as if I had won! For instance I got my favorite parking spot at my apartment complex….score! Made all the green lights as I was driving to work….yes! My client brought in his dog that I got to play with during our session…..fun! Received my Amazon package with a new book for me…..woohoo! Sometimes I take it a step further and go on a rampage of appreciation. I mean how amazing is Amazon Prime?! You can order pretty much anything and it’s delivered for free in 2 days! They have the best prices and save me so much time shopping. I so appreciate all the workers that made it possible for me to get this package so quickly…etc.

Now this game might seem a bit silly, but I got to tell you it has me feeling really good all day long. The more good things I recognize, the more good things I see. This is basic Law of Attraction 101. Put out good vibes and the Universe will deliver to you more things to feel good about. It’s so simple yet it’s not always easy. My old pattern had me constantly looking for what was going wrong. Instead of noticing how beautiful Sarasota is as I drive into work, I would be paying attention to how painfully slow the car in front of me is driving. Instead of focusing on how great it is that my week is booked up with client appointments, I would feel overwhelmed because I didn’t have a break in the day. I knew I needed an attitude adjustment stat! Perspective is everything. We can look for the good in any situation and person, or we can look for the bad. Either way you’ll find what you are looking for.

Making this shift in perspective takes work and effort, which is why I made it a game. Every day I challenge myself to find more good things then the day before. As a result of practicing this for the past few weeks my mind has become more conditioned to look for the good. I also noticed that I tend to stay in a higher feel good state even when challenges pop up. My life isn’t problem free by any means, but those problems don’t bring me down quite so much. I don’t spend a lot of my time or energy focusing on what’s going wrong, because I am more focused on what’s going right. This doesn’t mean I ignore problems, but instead I solve them from a positive mindset, which always produces a better outcome.

Happiness is a choice. You can look around and delight in how amazing life is, or you can get caught up in all the chaos and negativity. But if you want to really feel good, plus manifest more good things in your life, then you want to be deliberate with the thoughts you think. If you tend towards the negative make a conscious effort to play this game for 30 days. If you keep switching your focus from the negative to the positive eventually your mind will go there naturally. Then guess what will happen? For one, you’ll be happier. You’ll begin to attract and create more good things in your life. People will begin showing up for you in a more positive manner. Problems will solve themselves with more ease. You’ll become one of those “happy” people who seem to always have a smile on their face.

Why not give this a try for 30 days and play with me? The only thing you have to lose is your bad attitude.

How often do our feelings dictate our actions?

I feel depressed, so I am going to sit on the couch and binge watch shows on Netflix.

I feel tired, so I’m going to push snooze and skip my workout.

I feel stressed out and overwhelmed, so I’m going to pick up fast food instead of cooking a healthy meal for dinner because it’s faster.

I feel anxious and scared so I am going to cancel that first date / job interview / phone call so I can feel comfortable.

Feelings are important. You want to tune into them, acknowledge them, and yes sometimes honor them. But you shouldn’t always trust what your feelings are telling you to do. Feeling depressed and wallowing there isn’t serving you. Feeling stressed and taking it out on everyone around you isn’t beneficial. Notice your feelings, but don’t let them dictate your actions.

Instead of acting on your feelings, decide who you want to be in that moment. If you are feeling unmotivated and lazy ask yourself how do I want to be instead? Motivated, driven, inspired…. Then be that. Take the action that a motived, driven, inspired version of yourself would do. Feeling scared and anxious, decide to be brave and daring.

If we always let our feelings dictate our actions we could easily find ourselves stuck in a funk for too long of a period of time. Avoiding that difficult conversation forever. Skipping every workout. Or just getting nothing accomplished in our lives. Let’s face it, I live in paradise, if I only did what I felt like I would spend almost every day at the beach. But acting on that feeling wouldn’t serve me or my business in the long run.

I remember years ago when I was in school struggling with finding the drive to study. Some days I was just lazy and was waiting to feel more motivated before I picked up a book. During that time I heard a profound statement from Marie Forleo (business and life coach) that changed the way I worked from then on out. She stated:

“Losers wait for motivation. Winners get shit done.”

Simple advice I know. But it left a huge impact on me. Whenever I am feeling tired and unmotivated to do whatever task is at hand I remember that quote.

Don’t wait to take action until you feel like it, because that day may never come. Let the action inspire a new way of feeling. I guarantee that if you feel tired, but force yourself to work out anyway, you will feel energized afterwards.  Act your way into an upgraded feeling. Start making decisions on who you are going to be and less on how you feel.

I have always been a list maker. I love writing down my to-do’s and my goals. I’m obsessed with planners. And after years of searching for the best planning system that would work for my life I decided to create my own custom version. With this I can now track and plan out every area of my life, no excuses. One of my planning sheets is an end of the day evaluation where I record my successes and my failures. I evaluate what strategies worked and why, and what strategies didn’t work and why. Through this process over the past few weeks I noticed a pattern of actions that I take that helps me to  create a pretty awesome day. I realized that if I just start to repeat these patterns on a regular basis my good days will easily turn into good weeks, a good month, a good year, etc… 

Seems pretty simple. Figure out what makes your day work and do it on a regular basis. And it really is that simple. Here is an example of what makes a great day for me:

• Get up at 5am: After weeks of tracking my life, I simply am much more productive and focused when I get up at 5am. That time in the morning allows me to help get my body and mind in the right state.
• Meditate for at least 10 minutes: Meditation and visualization are a must for me.
• Take 15 minutes to plan my day and focus on my goals: This keeps me organized, focused, and super productive.
• Exercise for at least 30 minutes: Again a must for me. Days that I don’t work out, I’m not a happy camper.
• Keep my diet in check all day: This isn’t always easy to do, but when I eat well all day I feel a hundred times better at the end of the day.
• Get all the little tasks out of the way first thing: This is a time management hack that goes against the norm. Often you are suppose to tackle the big tasks first. I find that I am way more focused if I can take an hour or so and get done all the emails, phone calls, orders, paperwork, etc.. Then my mind is clear and I can focus on bigger projects.
• Get to the office at least 30 minutes before my first appointment so I have time to settle in: I hate rushing.
• Schedule myself a lunch break: I know this seems obvious but so often I don’t schedule a lunch break. I work while I eat my lunch and never take a breather. But when I set aside 30 minutes for lunch I am a lot more focused the rest of the afternoon.
• Take time to get outside at some point during the day: I just started keeping a beach bag and change of clothes in my car so that if I want to head out to the beach at the end of the day I can. Weather permitting, I’m a lot happier if I can get in some vitamin D.
• Listen to self growth audio books in the car: I listen to audios in the car and different youtube videos while I’m at home cooking or getting ready. I can’t get enough of positive, motivating material. It helps keep my mood elevated all day long.
• Balance my check book at the end of every night: So simple and so important.
• Stop working by 8pm: When you own your own business it can be hard to put the work away. But for my own sanity I need a stopping point.
• Stretch at night: Good for me, and feels good. Plus it helps relax me before bed.
• Be in bed by 10 reading a book: For one this ensures that I’ll get enough sleep, and two it helps me reach my goal of reading a book a week.

Now as simple as it is sometimes we have resistance towards doing the things that are actually good for us. For example; one thing that I struggle with is going to bed by 10pm. I usually have no reason not to, but I resist the process of actually getting ready for bed. I want to check Facebook just one more time. Watch one more episode of House of Cards. Even though I know I am better off going to bed, my resistance still pops up. Same thing with scheduling myself a real lunch break where I don’t work. It’s all too easy for me to answer emails and do research during lunch. It can be a struggle to give myself a break. The way I deal with resistance is just with self awareness. I know that these actions are good for me and I remind myself of it constantly. I’m not so rigid that I have to follow these “rules” every day. I mean I am certainly not going to get up at 5am on a Sunday. And sometimes I have very good reasons to stay up past my bedtime. But for the most part this is a guideline that works for me. And the more I follow it, the more I reinforce these healthy habits.

The whole idea with creating a good day is that if you pile up enough good days you have a good life. Start taking an end of the day inventory. What worked and why? What didn’t work and why? Become aware of the actions and habits that create your better days. Do this for a few weeks and you are guaranteed to see a pattern form. Once you identify those patterns you’ll have everything you need to create an awesome day. Write it down, post it somewhere where you can see it every day, and adopt these behaviors and actions on daily basis. Give this exercise a try, you’ve got nothing to lose but those bad days.

https://youtu.be/XOY4gnoBTQ0